Drastic Comics

 Not Finger Licking Good, By Any Manner Of Means

Not Finger Licking Good, By Any Manner Of Means
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Hey there!! If you're here from SMBC and proving that advertising and shiny colours do work, HELLO!!! Take a look around, read the archives. You'll like it trust me. And if you do, tell me, as I'm desperate for praise, like a child who gets locked in a cupboard. And even if you want to tell me I'm a fuckwit and you could shit a better webcomic, that's cool too. Once again, I'm desperate for attention.

You can reach me at drasticadam@gmail.com and I promise to respond to every email I get.

On with the show.

Two things are self evident by their sheer awesomeness. One, my new Hellboy toy that is sculpted to look like it was drawn by Mike Mignola. It's brilliant, plain and simple. Its just great and tons of fun to play with, I love it. I heartily recommend jumping down to the 3rd Place NOW and getting one. Don't try Forbidden Plant as they don't have any in yet because The 3rd Place gets theirs in a full week earlier. So once again, that's The 3rd Place, Unit 3, Sprangers Yard, Crow Street, Temple Bar.

Another thing that is awesome is the Ultimate Spider-Man video game. Much like the Spider-Man 2 game, its GTA, only with... justice. (Incidentally, I love that word. I think its one one the most inherently funny words in the English language. I don't know why I just do. ) Yeah, its great fun and I recommend at least renting it. I would rent it, but I can't get Gamecube rentals any damn place. I'll keep myself warm at night by thinking that if there was a video game of me, Spidey would buy it. I mean I hope so. Its only fair. Even to make up with the mountain of crap I purchased purely because he featured on the cover. I have a problem.

Speaking of problems, today's comic. I don't think All Star Batman and Robin The Boy Wonder is that bad, its just doesn't live up to its promise. If someone had said "Hey, this is Frank Miller writing Batman as if he lived in Sin City and the whole thing is bat shit fucking loco. The Batmobile flies and Batman smacks around Robin" I would have been on board. But no one told me that. This is All Star Batman. Meaning broad iconic strokes of what should be Batman. Much like the classic animated series by Bruce Timm. I thought that's what it'd be like. More fool me. Taking it as it is which is essentially Frank Miller writing Marv in a Batman suit and Jim Lee drawing every woman in it like they're posing for esquire, fine, I can deal. I wish I could have dealt with it while waiting for the trade, but ah well.

At least, All Star Batman has thought me never to look forward to another comic ever again, except Morrison and Quitely's Superman. What can I say? I think I hate myself.

And yes, that's Colm Mc Grath in this weeks comic. He actually owns every single issue of X4, truly the worst comic of all time. What makes it even sweeter is that he knew exactly how shit it was when he was buying it. He just couldn't stop.

This is what the The X-Axis had to say.....

"I can only assume that somebody in Marvel's marketing department thought it would be a wonderful idea to have an X-Men/Fantastic Four trade paperback ready to go in time for next year's FF film. What a shame it doesn't seem to have occurred to anyone that it should include a story. This has all the hallmarks of a comic produced via the Commissioning Editor's Syllogism: (1) We must publish an X-Men/Fantastic Four miniseries. (2) This is an X-Men/ Fantastic Four miniseries. (3) Therefore we must publish it.
The Fantastic Four show up on the X-Men's doorstep because they'd like to borrow Cerebra. For some reason a request of this sort cannot be made by phone. Wolverine (who has somehow managed to get a hangover, despite having a superhuman healing power) answers the door, and the world's most pointless fight ensues. Because... uh... well, it just does. When I read drivel like this, I honestly start to wonder what the editors do all day. How long does it take to skim the script, find a red pen, and scribble ??? Insert reason for fight? in the margin?
Anyhow, the Fantastic Four and the X-Men end up joining forces to reach a space station which is in trouble, so that they can rescue any survivors. Surprisingly, even though this series stars the bloody Fantastic Four, the only vehicle available for the purpose is the X-Men's aircraft. Only six people can go because it only has six seats. Now, at this point, two thoughts might have crossed your mind. (1) Why not get one of the FF's vehicles? (2) If the plane can only carry six people, where are they planning to put the survivors who they're trying to rescue? If so, you are thinking far more deeply than anyone who worked on this book.>

See you Monday

Cheers guys

© 2005,2006 Adam Murray